You on the people-pleasing slippery slope? Six indicators
What is people-pleasing?
Prioritizing other people and what they think and want over what you think and want.
How did this habit develop?
Your childhood, of course.
In your developing mind, you learned that when you were pleasing your family you often received love, acceptance, approval, or attention.
How does it look now that you’re an adult?
You may not even realize that you’re people-pleasing now because it’s so second nature.
It looks like kindness, helpfulness, being agreeable, selflessness, and being compassionate.
Who wouldn’t love you? You don’t make waves, you’re easy to be around, consoling, want the best for people, and very dependable.
These are very commendable and honorable qualities to have, after all!
Where’s the slippery slope?
You may find that the people you’re always trying so hard to please aren’t even that pleased anymore.
They just expect more and more.
And respect you less and less.
An unhealthy dynamic for sure.
You keep trying harder to please because of your subconscious need to feel worthy, needed, or loved. And when the needle moves as to what it takes to please them you might think that you're still not doing enough or pleasing them wrong. So you try harder.
And the person you're pleasing? Ever wonder why they need so much of it? Sure, you've made their life easier (and secretly everyone wants that!) but are they any happier?
When someone needs to be pleased they're often resisting taking responsibility for their own lives which would allow them to please themselves. They will never be pleased by you for long because you're never the answer to their happiness and joy.
The slope is steep but you, my lovely, have all the POWER to course-correct before you tumble.
Pay attention! Here are six slippery slope indicators:
1. Do you want to speak up about your ideas, thoughts or opinions but hold back because you don’t want to make waves or fear you’ll say something wrong?
2. Is ‘I don’t care’ your typical response when asked what you want to eat, what movie you want to see, or where to go on vacation? Did you used to care about these things or do you even remember?
3. Do you go along with conversations or situations you don’t agree with because you’re concerned that you might make the other person uncomfortable if you speak up?
4. Do you feel like you’re a shell of your former self and that life’s a big have-to? Does it always seem as if you never have enough time or energy to take care of you?
5. Do you feel overly responsible for everyone’s emotions and think it’s your fault if they’re in a bad mood? That you could have done more or said or done things differently? Or when they’re in a good mood, are you pleased with yourself for helping with that?
6. And of course, the tried and true gut check -- do you have a pit in your stomach as you read this?
Take your power back! Because even though your mind has made up a very believable association between pleasing and your worthiness, it’s still not true.
You, me, and the people you’re trying to please are ALL on the same level playing field.
You are 100% allowed to express your opinions, thoughts, and ideas just as much as anyone else, and when you start believing this you start showing up more confidently.
Here are five common side-effects to expect when you up-level your self-relationship and unravel from people-pleasing:
☀️ Your relationships actually improve because you know how to speak up for yourself guilt-free and be heard without all of the intense emotion
☀️ Your confidence and joy return because you’re no longer in the weeds feeling overly reponsible for everyone and everything
☀️ You have time and energy to take care of your health and your needs because you’ve learned how to let people have their own emotions and journeys
☀️ Your nervous system settles and so does your weight and sleep because you have learned how to be the best version of you
☀️ You feel worthy of love — just as you are — because you no longer have ties with those childhood associations
You hold the power to stay off the slippery people-pleasing slope! And your one precious body will hug you when you decide to take action (….and the best time to act? Now. The only time it ever is.)
P.S. If you move through your days in some type of people-pleasing, controlling, perfecting, and comparison mix and you’re ready for daily ease, confidence, and joy, you’ll get a metric shit ton of value from MindBodyNOW, my one-of-a-kind small group cohort for women. When you click, you’ll learn more and also get a self-assessment you can take on your own to determine if this is the class you didn’t know you’ve needed for years.
Class is forming now!