When you control you DON'T get these four amazing things
I have a client about to graduate from college who has big dreams to move away and not take the 'safe' full-time career route her parents took.
As her coach, I totally support her decision and am super excited for her! As a parent, I certainly relate to what her parents may be experiencing.
Because I've been there. My daughter did the same thing.
As challenging as parenting is (from birth to 18-ish) the REAL challenge happens when we're faced with letting go of control as they grow up...and that's OUR problem, not theirs.
Control is a very common behavior that sucks the life out of us. It’s a fear-based emotion that, on the surface, feels like safety but it’s all just an illusion.
No matter if you have kids or not, when you want to control circumstances, other people, your plans, others’ plans, the weather — you name it, you ironically don’t feel in control.
How about stressed and anxious? That’s how I felt for decades.
Here’s what I learned with my daughter:
Know what you have control over and what you may be able to influence
I’ll never forget when my daughter came over for dinner during her Junior year of college and said she wanted to take a gap year.
My first response was, “Oh, hell no!” and then when I settled down I realized the only thing I could control was me and how I would move through this news. I decided to write her an email with lots of questions for her to explore/ponder so that she looked at all of the factors. And then I let it go.
She chose to switch majors and graduate and she’s very happy she stuck it out.
I chose to stay in my lane, share insight, and then let go.
Trust you raised your kids well and celebrate who they are
My daughter is pretty damn non-traditional, like nearly lives out of her car non-traditional. She raft guides in the summer and ski instructs in the winter and after ski season ended last spring she took off on a couple week solo tent camping adventure out west.
Holy hell. My mind wanted to go into safety/control mode yet I knew it would only make us both crazy. I decided to trust that I raised a responsible young woman and be grateful for when she called and trust that everything was well when she didn’t.
She chose to have a ton of fun hiking through amazing parks and is super proud that she did it on her own.
I chose to trust and flow that she was being careful.
In both circumstances I could have worried myself sick and played out thousands of negative ‘what-ifs’ but what good would it have done?
A former client recently said to me, “you wait for the what-ifs but the what-ifs never happen.” True that!
No matter if you’re a parent or not, the very best gift you give yourself is to trust and flow vs control. When you do you see that you…
Move through all your situations easier and more joyfully
Are more productive
Relax. It’s heavy thinking you have so much to control!
Have better relationships. No one loves being controlled
And these four things kick ass!
We have a recent It's a Brain Changer episode all about this! Trust and Flow VS Control Check it out!
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